called “why are you dead, and why is this person not?”
ever feel like your world is about to end whenever diane sawyer breaks into your 3 PM general hospital program to announce that some celebrity has died? ever expect it to be beverly d’angelo or norm from cheers, only to have it be some skanky tween from the disney channel or someone awesome, like ken jeong? if ken jeong dies, then so do i with him. c’mon hollywood… let’s start making some celebrity death sense. enough with the young perishing… enough with the shocking goodbyes… if you’re old, and you’ve been to the academy awards at least twice, and you’ve fathered a couple of babies or have been involved in some sort of scandal involving the gardener and his hose, then it’s your time.
and why are you alive, zsa zsa gabor?
why are you dead, michael jackson?
and why are you not, courtney love?
nice lipstick. does it taste as infectious as it looks?
WHY ARE YOU DEAD, PHIL HARTMAN?!
and why are you NOT, pervert from family guy?
now you try it! or, for added excitement, play it with some estranged family members around a table while doing shots of tequila and playing with grandma’s antique knife set.