Whilst driving down the street the other night, THIS stepped off the curb to cross my path:
except that it was alive. I yelled out to deter it from making the biggest mistake of its life, but it continued to saunter across the street perpendicular to my honda (which looks like it could have been responsible for vehicular manslaughter, but i assure you i hit a parked car with it and nothing else) with the sass of an animal who forgets that its soul purpose in life is to play house with old spinsters who are still waiting for Billy to come home from The Great War.
CATS. keep it to the musicals, heathens.
as it crossed the street and ignored my pleas of mercy, horrid pictures of fires and falling and spilling red wine all over the inside of my mom’s new fridge flashed through my mind. bad luck?! i need not anymore. unemployment and this in-grown hair on my thigh is enough for a lifetime. so what is a girl to do to rid herself of this bad omen?
I GAGA-ED! i gaga-ed all over that cat. i sang “bad romance” to this cat as loudly as i could all the way down the street, until i almost hit another parked car.
and then i laughed because the cat wandered towards a house with a sign that read “BEWARE OF DOG”