i don’t think anyone will argue with the genius that is ron burgundy. his pizzazzy suits, his blown-over hair, the leather bound books and the apartment smelling of rich mahagony… baxter. the wheel of cheese. all of these things make ron burgandy, lead anchor of the channel 4 news team, a winner. winner.
and the stories he reports on. oh, the stories. we all remember the squirrel who could water ski.
the pregnant panda.
winning stories for a winning journalist.
so what, i ask, would make a journalist a rip roaring loser?
Fox News Anchor Thomas Drayton and his Top 5 Bad Days segment defines a loser anchor.
first of all, you’re not classy enough to have anything smell like rich mahogany. #2 – after watching fox, nbc, abc, and cbs report on the violence and crime in philly, i certainly don’t want to watch thomas drayton report with a laugh in his voice about more people who have sucky things happen to them. sure, when a burglar gets beaten down by the 90 yr old he was attempting to rob, that might make me laugh, but creating a segment for an already glum news hour that revels in laughing at others’ misfortunes, no matter how much someone may deserve to be laughed at, seems like a waste of air time and loses a reporter’s journalistic integrity.
why focus on the negative when there’s a lot of good happening to people every day? why can’t we feel good watching other people experience happy moments? perhaps fox philly should do a segment called “Top 5 Fucking Fantastic Days” and advertise it as “5 people whose good fortunes could give us a little hope in this sucky economy, war ridden, natural disaster inflicted, sickness filled world.”
is it so hard to do this:
TOP 5 FUCKING FANTASTIC DAYS
And you know what’s really sad? Like stopped-my-sister-from-doing-her-taxes-so-that-I-could-announce-it-to-her-sad? IT WAS REALLY HARD TO FIND GOOD NEWS. It took me over an hour to find anything happy happening to people in online news stories. The local news station websites in my area are riddled with negative, sad, devastating stories of death, injustice, misfortune, and hate. But if I can take the time to find at least some inspirational, smile-worthy stories online… if I can point out some kind of good that’s happening to others around us… then why can’t journalists or TV Anchors do their part? Are these stories too few and far between to report on? Or are they not as interesting as the bad news is? Do we as a society prefer to hear about someone’s bad day so that our own lives seem less craptastic? Maybe, deep down, some of us fear that hearing about the good in others’ lives, however big, small, long lived or short lived it may be, might make us envious, jealous, hateful people. Or maybe it will just remind us that good things still happen to us, even if “good” acts as the underdog in a world where bad stuff seems like a stronger news story.
For the news anchors who laugh at or get off on the suffering of others, let me just make one other point clear: Even news people have bad days. Live. And available on youtube 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for millions and millions of years.
This is omahgawditzljk, signing off. Stay tuned for “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien”… oh wait.