cursing just doesn’t do it for me anymore. when i was little, my mom put such fear into my soul about uttering a swear word that the 4 times i did say one from the age of 0 to 17, i would confess my utterance to her later, usually already crying before confessing to her in the hopes to soften her heart and lighten the fuckin’ blow. cursing was rare in my house, but there was one night, contradicting my mom’s usual “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (by her potty-mouthed, cussing, verbal-vomiting daughters),” where mom lightened up and gave us a curse word free-bee. i used mine quickly. “AW, SHIT” i said, proud and confident in my choice of wording. my sister, however, made her way upstairs, into her room, and confined herself to her bedroom for ten minutes to think about how to use her word wisely. in the eleven years we had been alive, we had never been given an opportunity like this, and we may never be given one again, she thought. down she came.
“aw, would ya look at that?” she asked. we looked. her shoe was in her hand. “i got SHIT on mah shoe!”
Genius. pure, 11 yr old, well executed genius. i was so jealous. she had cursed AND talked about poop.
nowadays, however, cursing ain’t no thang… in fact, i curse too much. i use “fuck” so much these days that i sound like an angry ‘ole man who can’t stand them fuckin’ kids and their god damn music. and when i really AM angry, no one takes my fucks seriously. it’s almost become an addiction, a habit that i can’t stop because it’s become such a big part of my lindsey lexicon. how would i communicate if i couldn’t call my girls my “bitches.” how else am i supposed to express my disgust at getting wet paint in my hair while re-doing my bedroom yesterday without yelling a “SHIT.”
i gave up cursing for lent once. i felt it would be the hardest thing for me to stop doing, and it made me a more creative person. cursing doesn’t even MEAN anything anymore. when someone’s yelling or ranting on TV about something or at someone, and they’re “fuck you” this and “you’re an asshole” that, i’m not impressed. what does it mean?! the best anyone can come up with is “copulation with YOU” or “you’re an anus”?!?! who the EFF cares. oh, how hurtful, you equated me to the part of the body where feces exits. ruined my day, ya did.
i started to wonder this morning where cursing came from. who in our human history woke up one morning and said “ya know what… i like the way f-u-c-k sounds. sounds hurtful. rebellious. gonna go tell someone to fuck themselves, and then they’re going to take serious offense.” who gave these words these powers? i read this article: Evolution of Profanity and didn’t get a damn question answered. i mean, i understand what the curse words mean, but why those words, and why does anyone care when someone calls someone a bitch? oh, i’m a girl dog? well i’m already a girl, so i can only be 1/2 offended. i understand all the negative connotations that come with these words, but don’t you think there are better ways to use our words for insult? and WHERE did the middle finger come from? why not my ringy finger? why not my toe? who deemed the middle finger to be synonymous for the “sex-YOU” word? was the pointy finger too useful for pointing? the thumb was bitten in shakespearean times to show defiance and disrespect. if i did that to someone today, they’d tell me to stop biting my nails and to be a lady. dumb mothafuckas. PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEX WITH MOTHERS. god for friggin’ bid.
when i watch shows like jerry springer, which i watch quite often when i find myself unemployed or feel the urge to watch other people ruin their lives by sleeping with their cousins and tell the world about it, i can’t believe how much people hide behind cursing instead of getting to the meat of the matter. so jose may have slept with your daughter. he’s only her stepfather. what’s REALLY bothering you. that he’s a son-of-a-bitch? i don’t think so. what’s his ma got to do with it? you really just want to feel loved and secure. say it, don’t spray it.
you know what would hurt worse than any curse word? a real personal attack against your looks or character. “you’re a bitch” only hurts for a second, until i realize that i’m not. “you have overweight issues”… now that would really force me to curl up into a ball and eat a cookie. “go to hell” wouldn’t make a tear appear on my cherub cheek. i CAN’T go to hell, i’m still alive, silly. “you’re not smart enough for med school”… jesus. they’re right. i’m probably NOT smart enough for med school. what am i smart enough for? midlife crises, please.
take a look at some classy gents using classy words to put down some really classless peeps. feel the sting. and avoid shit on your shoe at all costs.